Stop being nice and start being real

(OMTimes | Macia Sirota MD) Could it be? stop being nice! You might want to stop being nice, if you are hard-working, responsible, loyal and able to take initiative, but you aren’t managing to achieve that next level of success. There might be a simple answer to this problem.

You love your children and care for them the best you can. But, you find that they’re defiant, oppositional, overly entitled or disrespectful. There’s probably a good reason for their bad attitude.

If you are in a romantic relationship and you’re good to your partner, but they often take you for granted, don’t listen to you, or treat you in ways that make you feel less than special. You would probably like to change this dynamic between the two of you.


Stop being nice and sabotaging your success

I’ve noticed that many people are sabotaging their success in the workplace, as parents and in their romantic relationships, and they’re doing it with their habit of being too nice. This habit does the opposite of what they hope for, with their colleagues and supervisors, their children and their romantic partners.

If you’re being too nice in any of these aspects of your life, it’s most likely due to the mistaken idea that people-pleasing is the way to get people to like you and cooperate with you. Sadly, it doesn’t work that way.

When you’re too nice in the workplace, people see you as weak and ineffectual. People-pleasing fosters disrespect and encourages people to take advantage of you, even bully you.


Start being real, not a buddy

At home, being too nice to your children causes them to be more disobedient, because they see you as a buddy rather than an authority figure.

Your children might like you, but they won’t listen to you. More often, though, they won’t even like you, as the lack of discipline could ultimately be perceived by them as a lack of love which could then lead to them resenting you.

In a romantic relationship, being too nice means going along with what you don’t want, tolerating things that upset you, and not expressing your true needs and feelings. It’s dishonest and ultimately, you’ll be left frustrated, unfulfilled and feeling unconnected to your partner.


How to avoid being exploited

Being too nice is meant to make people like you, but in fact, it makes them look down on you; it’s meant to foster cooperation, but in fact, it encourages disrespect and even exploitation.

Being too nice is meant to promote harmonious relationships. However, it creates dishonest interactions in which the other person doesn’t know the real you. Therefore, they will never be able to respond to your real needs.

The only way to be successful in relationships is to stop being nice and start being more real. Next, I’ll explore the reasons why we fall into being too nice. After that, I’ll discuss ways in which you can be kind, yet empowered, in your dealings with your colleagues, supervisors, children, and romantic partner.


About the author

Marcia Sirota MD

Dr. Marcia Sirota is a Toronto-based board certified psychiatrist specializing in the treatment of trauma and addiction, as well as founder of the Ruthless Compassion Institute, whose mandate is to promote the philosophy of Ruthless Compassion and in so doing, improve the lives of people, everywhere.
Source: OMTimes

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