The top reasons why we resist change & how to stop

18 december 2018

(Collective Evolution | Joe Martino) Our world is full of change right now, and for good reason! Deep down we know and feel that something is a bit ‘stale,’ and we’re following that feeling with outward projections of emotions about our system, politics, what others do, our jobs – quite frankly, many of us are feeling frustrated with how things are.

But do you ever notice yourself resisting events happening in your life? We all go through many different experiences, this article is not to say we cannot make changes and choose to avoid un-favorable experiences entirely, it is simply to say, sometimes we can find ourselves being very resistant to changes that are going on in our lives, and this causes a lot of suffering and ‘stuckness.’

The Facts: We resist change for many reasons, but ultimately, this comes down to our core. We want to hold onto belief systems, being right, stories that protect our egos. Alternatively, we may fear the unknown, but what is that fear?
Reflect On: Why do you feel the way you do about certain changes in your life? Must you feel this way? Why do some people embrace change better than others? Is it perhaps they give less power to the stories of their mind?

From positive to negative, pain to happiness, laughter to suffering, we must always remember that these are all just experiences. They are part of what allows us to grow and move towards a greater awareness within our soul and life experience.

As tough experiences happen, whether it be a breakup, a lost job, having to move to a new place, not having enough finances, finishing something that can be challenging etc, we generally have two choices. We can choose the route of remaining upset and resisting the whole process, making it very difficult to learn from as we inevitably get stuck in judging what is happening. Or we can choose to accept it for the time being as something that is in our path, a certain temporary barrier if you will, and see what we can gain from it in terms of growth. As we react to the situations, observe the thoughts and emotions that present themselves. ‘Why am I so upset about a lost job?” “Why am I so worried about change?” “What do these changes represent to me that make me feel upset?” “Why am I trying to control the experience so heavily?”

Why we resist change – the core truth

Now it might be easy to say that these are all natural feelings anyone would feel when going through these experiences because they are ‘human nature,’ but this would not be true, simply because these reactions are learned behaviours we get from how we have been taught to react to certain experiences. It is not an innate knowing from our soul for us to be upset and freak out when we lose a job for example. Some of us react and some of us don’t. These reactions are typically fueled by our own patterns, triggers, belief systems, fears, and can be further fueled by collective consciousness. This is why we resist change, plain and simple. We are protecting or running from the various aspects of ourselves listed above that keep us confined in our minds, re-playing the same reactions and experiences over and over.

Some people will suggest that some of us embrace change better than others, the simple answer to why that is is that some of us don’t give as much power to our minds stories. That’s truly all it is at its core. Not resisting change comes down to letting go of the mind’s stories about everything you do or are about to do.

We are very much in control of how we feel during inevitable changes and challenges as we can choose to disempower the suffering that we often dive into. The truth is, we can feel peace in many of these circumstances, we simply need to remain conscious, aware and reflective as the events play out, and pay attention to what might be pulling us out of peace. We can, of course, FEEL what is first expressed, sit with it and truly understand it, but how long we sit with this is up to us, and is not the fault of the experience.

Resisting change is sometimes like trying to swim against the current. Sometimes we do not always see the perfection in what might be playing out so we try hard to keep it all in place i.e. we resist! Think about letting go of the need to control and instead let things go and flow as they need to. In most cases, we find that things are never as bad as we often assume they will be, and in the end, we feel great for having experienced it all.

How we can stop resisting change

So next time we find ourselves resisting, remember to try out these steps:

1. Pause for a moment in the situation
2. Observe your current emotions, sit with them if you must. Taking the time to slow down and understand what is going on within you will give you clarity so you aren’t simply saying “I’m mad” but instead are able to say “I’m mad because I’m feeling insecure or disempowered or disrespected etc”
3. Reflect on why these things truly bother you. As you understand what the emotions or triggers are that are coming up you will see what power you give to them and why.
4. Let go of what you are trying to control or avoid (keeping yourself out of danger of course)
5. Choose to take the situation moment by moment without judging it
6. Write down how you feel if it helps, likewise, you can talk to someone.

Helpful questions:

Why am I afraid of what’s to come? What are all the possible reasons that come up in my mind?

What do I feel is going to happen that I’m so worried about? Will it affect how people perceive me? My financial stability? Where do these stories even come from? Society? My friends? Parents?

The takeaway

The bottom line is, when you notice yourself going back to the same frustrations, judgements, anger, blame, fear, worry, or anxiety about something, you know there is something there that’s triggering you, and it’s within you. The only way to peace and moving beyond that suffering is through processing the emotions and letting go of the belief systems, patterns of ideas in your mind that are causing such reactions.

Source: Collective Evolution

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