Beyond polarities: Building bridges in a divided world
(Global Heart) Explore why our brains get stuck in “us vs. them” and learn how to build bridges beyond our differences. Discover simple strategies for engaging in difficult conversations and finding common ground.
Transcend polarization: Finding common ground
When faced with disagreement, do you tend to be a bridge builder in conversations, or do you prefer to use a sledgehammer to get your point across?
Building bridges means taking the time to genuinely understand different beliefs and fostering respect, even on sensitive topics. It’s about creating connections and goodwill through open and positive interactions. In contrast, using a sledgehammer means taking a crude, ruthless, and forceful approach. It’s the act of demolishing relationships and ideas without care, using excessive force where a more gentle touch is needed.
Move beyond divisions to find shared humanity
Bridging our differences starts with a recognition of common humanity. We don’t have to hate the people we disagree with, but we do need to understand the powerful psychological forces at play.
While our brains are wired with a deep-seated instinct to sort people into “us” and “them,” we can transcend our differences by practicing empathy, embracing curiosity, and seeing people as more than just their beliefs.
The key is to shift our focus from “what” people believe to “why” they believe it. This approach allows us to see individuals as more than just their political or social beliefs, opening the door for connection and understanding.
Why our brains get stuck in “us vs. them”: the psychology of disagreement
Our brains are hardwired with a deep-seated instinct to categorize people into “us” and “them” as means of survival. This is a powerful psychological force that can lead to beliefism—the tendency to judge and discriminate against people based on their differing beliefs.
Us versus them mentality
The “us” versus “them” mentality is rooted in three key psychological forces:
Our groups define us: Our sense of self is deeply tied to the groups we belong to—whether it’s our family, our town, our political party, or our favorite sports team. It’s a natural human impulse to want our group to be seen in a positive light, which can sometimes lead us to view “other” groups in a less-than-positive way, even when we don’t realize it.
The comfort of belonging: We all have a fundamental human need to belong. Sticking with people who think and act just like us feels safe and comfortable. This sense of unity can, unfortunately, create a wall between us and those with different views, leading us to dismiss or even dehumanize them simply because they’re not part of our “tribe.”
Mental shortcuts and echo chambers: Our brains love efficiency, which means we often seek out information that confirms “what we already believe”. This is known as confirmation bias. When we combine this with the tendency to surround ourselves with like-minded people in what are called “echo chambers,” it becomes incredibly difficult to consider a different point of view.
How to bridge the divide and overcome confirmation bias
Understanding these built-in psychological tendencies is the first step. But awareness alone isn’t enough; we need to pair it with intentional action. Here are some strategies you can use to consciously break the cycle and connect with those you disagree with.
How to talk to people you disagree with
Use this toolkit for connection.
1. Separate the person from the belief
When someone expresses a view we find objectionable, it’s easy to label them as “the enemy.” Instead, try to view their belief as a separate entity from their personhood. People are complex; a single belief does not define them entirely. They are also a parent, a friend, a coworker, a person who loves to garden or listen to music. When we focus on these other aspects, it becomes harder to reduce them to a single point of disagreement.
2. Practice intellectual humility
No one has a monopoly on the truth. When we acknowledge that our own understanding is limited and that we might be wrong, we create space for others to be right. This humility doesn’t mean abandoning our values, but rather holding them with a gentle hand. Admitting that we might not have all the answers makes it easier to listen to others without feeling threatened.
3. Seek to understand, not to win
Many conversations are treated as debates to be won. To bridge divides, we must change this mindset. The goal should be to understand the other person’s perspective, not to change their mind. Ask open-ended questions like, “What led you to that conclusion?” or “Can you tell me more about your experience with that?” This approach shows genuine curiosity and signals that you value their perspective.
4. Find common ground
Look for areas of shared humanity that exist beneath the surface of disagreement. Maybe you both value family, security, enjoy nature, or a good laugh. Focus on these shared values. Building a connection on common ground makes it much easier to discuss differences. It reminds us that we are all on the same team in many ways, even if we are playing different parts.
5. Listen to understand
True listening is not just waiting for your turn to speak. It’s about being fully present and processing what the other person is saying, both verbally and nonverbally. When we listen with the intent to understand, we often find the roots of their beliefs in their personal experiences. Their opinions are often a product of their lived experiences.
6. Acknowledge and validate feelings
Even if we don’t agree with someone’s beliefs, we can still acknowledge and validate the emotions behind them. Try saying things like, “That sounds really frustrating,” or “I can see why you feel so strongly about that.” This does not mean you are endorsing their views, but you are affirming their human experience. This simple act of validation can de-escalate tension and build trust.
7. Find shared interests and hobbies
Engage with people in contexts unrelated to politics or heated topics. Join a sports league, a book club, or volunteer together. Shared activities build relationships based on mutual interests, which can create a foundation of goodwill and make it easier to navigate disagreements when they arise. When you see someone as a fellow human who shares your love for hiking or painting, it’s harder to see them as an enemy.
8. Be the first to reach out
Think about a person you disagree with. What’s one part of their story you could seek to understand, starting today?
It takes courage to extend a hand across a divide. Sometimes, all that’s needed to start bridging a gap is for one person to take the first step. Be that person. Invite someone you disagree with, to coffee or for a walk. The simple act of showing up can demonstrate that you are committed to a relationship beyond a shared belief system.
Bridging divides isn’t about compromising our values; it’s about honoring our shared humanity. By taking these small, deliberate steps, we can transform division into dialogue and create a more connected world.
Source: Global Heart
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