The 7 ghosts of our past that are relationship crashers
(OMTimes | Johanna Kern) Don’t let relationship crashers ruin your feast of love. Take control and deal with them before they get the upper hand.
Relationship crashers
The uninvited guests growl and howl. They will get us where they want us if we don’t deal with them.
We all want happiness in life. No one on this planet would truthfully tell you that they want to be unhappy.
The quest for happiness in life is a two-sided coin. On the one hand, it requires us to let go of our expectations and appreciate life for what it is – a wonderful journey to becoming who we truly are. On the other side, we need to put some effort into arriving where we can fully be the person we are meant to be.
A happy relationship based on true Love is built on the same principles.
Happiness in a relationship is present because of our ability to let go of what weighs us down and what we are willing to do for our relationship to thrive.
We want it to be a truly delightful feast where the two of us can enjoy our time together and celebrate what we have: Love. But what if that feast we longed and planned for is interrupted by uninvited guests who appear at our beautifully set table with their own hidden, destructive agenda?
Relationship crashers – Visiting the ghosts of our past
They are the relationship crashers. Just as the wedding crashers can come from either side: the bride’s or the groom’s – so do the relationship crashers.
Often, they can appear from both sides:
- The Fear of Change
- The Fear of Getting Emotionally Hurt
- The Fear of Rejection
- The Fear of Loss of Freedom
- The Fear of Inadequacy
- The Fear of Loneliness
- The Fear of Failure
Every wound that we have developed becomes a weakness that we tend to hide in our subconscious, “brushing it under the rug” – so to speak. When not dealt with and not healed, that wound becomes a base for developing a subconscious Shadow that guards our weak spots with; one might say, “its own body.”
Such a Shadow becomes ruthless at the same time—a dark-natured bully who begins to control our behavior and feelings. The more unresolved past trauma we have, the more Shadows (our ghosts) reside in our subconscious. The Swiss psychologist Carl Gustav Jung was the first one to talk about dark energy as the building material for our Shadows. That is everything that we reject in ourselves and others.
Our subconscious shadows take over to protect us from any possible harm.
Whether there is a real danger or just some imagined possible threat, our Shadows come out and act on our behalf. As if someone pressed a button, we start behaving defensively, like robots on automatic pilot. In short, we keep sabotaging our relationships, happiness, right to success, abundance, and right to love and be loved.
When we begin a relationship based on true Love, we agree to take equal responsibility for sharing our Love. When any problems occur, we can’t just point our finger and say: “It’s all your fault,” or “You know that I’m screwed up. I can’t help it.” Actually, we can help it.
We can always help it if we really want.
The Ghosts of Our Past let us know of their presence sooner or later. Actually, each of us knows their Shadows well. We know how we may react, what we have done, and what we might do. So let us not pretend we are surprised by our Shadows’ existence when they crash our relationship. And let us be equally aware that the person we love will also have their own Shadows.
Now, it doesn’t mean that we need to run away from Love or a chance to have a loving relationship when we are not yet healed. And let us not dismiss the possibility of loving and being with someone whose wounds might go very deep. Yes, it is best to take care of our mess before it becomes a deal breaker. But – the mere presence of the mess (the other person’s or ours) is not a problem that cannot be overcome. Unless it really is.
When we decide to love each other and grow together, we naturally take the risk of facing and dealing with our human nature.
Whether it’s us, our partner, or both of us who need to do some healing – we need to be equally patient, supportive, and wise enough to know that the healing process takes some time.
This is the most important thing to remember when the Ghosts of Our Past appear to divide us and “put us in our place” – so that we won’t dwell in the darkness of our misery so that we don’t lose sight of the loving light of our Love.
About the author
Johanna Kern, transformational teacher and multiple award-winning authors of “Secrets of Love for Everyone,” “Master and the Green-Eyed Hope,” “365 (+1) Affirmations to Create A Great Life”, etc. She practices and shares the Master Teachings of HOPE, helping people find their power and progress in all areas of life. Her story received international attention, winning praise from readers in North America and Europe and endorsement by three world-renowned experts: Stanley Krippner, Ph.D., Jerry Solfvin, Ph.D., and Brian Van der Horst.
Source: OMTimes
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