(Higher Perspective) Not all scars are visible. Some hide deep inside, to the point where we might not even realize we have them till we suddenly feel their pain. We wonder why we are the way we are, unable to let ourselves be loved, or even unable to love in the capacity that we know we can. We realize that we’re just protecting ourselves.
The way a mother loves their child will dictate the way that the child defines and understands love. This becomes their first contact with the concept and once they form it, whether it’s good or bad, it can be really hard to change it as an adult. Here’s how.
The controlling mother
She convinced herself that she was protecting you and acting out of love but instead she made you resent her for never saying yes, for never trusting you, for never giving you the opportunity to experience the world and learn for yourself. She even at times tried to control your feelings in her complete refusal to recognize you as an independent person. Rather she saw you as an extension of herself and used that to justify why you must always do as she asks.
The narcissistic mother
Ironically, everyone else thought she was the perfect mother because that’s how she made it look on the outside. Your feelings were always dismissed because she made others envious of appearances. She cared more about how others saw you than how you did.
The mother who used you as her only means of happiness
There were times the roles were reversed and she was the one needing you to mother her, forcing you to grow up long before you were due. She did not know how to let you go and got angry at you for not reciprocating her emotional needs. She drained you and distorted your definition of love.
The impossible to please mother
Even when you tried to show her how much you love her, hoping she would show it back, she took it for granted and ignored your efforts. Children are programmed to need the approval of their mothers, and as an adult, you often still crave it simply because you never got it.
The physically present but absent minded mother
As a child, you were confused, unable to understand your purpose in the world if your own mother could not give you the time of day. You might have even rebelled in an effort to get her attention, but it only drove her further away. Till this day you wonder how to be seen.