Defeating fear to embrace love

(OMTimes | Lady Sarah and Sophie Elise) We live in a dualistic universe, where the only true emotions are love and fear. Love creates joy, peace, tranquility and compassion while pessimism, depression and anxiety manifest from fear. When someone is fearful, they cannot truly experience love and if they are experiencing love, there is no room for fear. If someone is fearful they will not experience love, because love is blocked by their fear. Love is light, and when someone lives from that place of love, they are living in the light.

Within this duality, love and fear exist side by side, especially when it comes to our relationships. When someone is fearful, they depend on their romantic partner to define their happiness. When that relationship feels threatened, desperation and fear will very often be the result.

To identify if someone is living from a love-based or fear-based reality, they should consider asking themselves:

  • Do I do things or worry about things I normally wouldn’t?
  • Do I over-analyze everything my romantic partner says and does?
  • Do I constantly look for reassurance of their feelings?
  • Am I threatened by everyone of the opposite sex who comes into contact with them?

If the answer to these questions is “yes”, they are not reacting to feelings of love for their romantic partner, but reacting to the fear of losing them.

Some fears are healthy in relationships as well as other areas of life. When someone truly loves their romantic partner, it might make sense to have a rational fear of losing them if they do obviously stupid things like cheat on them, steal their money, or run their mother over with a tractor.

Everyone should have a healthy fear of losing the things they value, but there are times when people fear losing something which is essentially worthless. When it comes to relationships, people are afraid of losing either something they don’t really have or something they shouldn’t want. For instance, it seems logical that anyone should be more fearful of remaining in a dysfunctional relationship than being afraid of losing it. But strangely this is not the case.

This emphasizes fears on a deeper level that might need to be addressed, such as the fear of being alone, starting over or having to admit so much time, energy and emotion was wasted on the wrong relationship.  No matter what, it is best to address the fear because it keeps someone stuck in a cycle of unhappiness, and to remain in relationships that make them miserable.

Of course, there are times when fear can make everyone do smart things, intelligent things. For example, staying in the boat as the dorsal fin of a shark passes by prevents anyone from becoming Jaws’ next snack. Fear keeps people on the boat. This is smart.

In relationships however, fear can make people do some really stupid things. When the fear of losing a boyfriend causes someone to ring him up at 4 AM, the night before his big meeting with the company president, to discuss their feelings and future direction of the relationship, fear has made them foolish.

Almost every man on the planet, will not find a needy, clingy, psycho, immature drama queen attractive, and will not want to date one. These are personality traits that originate from a place of fear. Only a woman who is afraid is needy, clingy or immature. Only a woman who is fearful will be a drama queen.

Someone who is insecure, lacks confidence or has abandonment issues, will not make the best romantic partner. If they project joy and tranquility their vibration is much more attractive than someone who is pessimistic and depressed. When they project joy, which is a sub-emotion of love, they walk with their head held high. When they walk in love, they smile and are kind when someone accidentally runs into them in the grocery store, for example. When someone has a negative mindset, or is living in the place of fear, they walk with their head down, and ram every man, woman and child who gets in their way in the produce department. Does anyone want to date someone who is depressed and insecure? Wouldn’t it be better to go out with someone who is happy and confident?

People may be in good relationships but many times find their own insecurities, low self-esteem, abandonment issues and other fears, prevent the relationship from growing. When people are stuck in this place of fear, how can love grow in their relationship? It can’t, and it won’t. The challenge through all of this is to work on personal growth by addressing fears, phobias and insecurities, so that love can expand. When fear is released, the death grip on the energy of the relationship is also released.

If the fear of losing someone is stronger than the love they have for them, they are living from a fear-based perspective. All that will manifest from this position is more fear, and that fear will probably bring the relationship to an end. When someone believes they can’t live without someone they are operating from a place of fear. If someone feels a need to control their romantic partner or the relationship, they are coming from a place of fear. More often than not, fear is the very thing that is pushing the romantic partner away and creating disharmony in the relationship.

What is it that makes someone feel threatened in their romantic relationship? Was it a past love? Have all relationships failed so this is the expectation for all romantic encounters? In relationships, like everything else, some element of risk is involved. But taking risks is a part of life. Someone may feel as though all the chances they have taken had bad results and may feel they no longer want to take any risks at all. When someone takes a closer look at the risk that was taken, they will be able to see if it was reasonable to expect a great outcome. For example, if a man is a known womanizer it is best not to take a risk on trying to develop a relationship with him, but choose instead, the guy with a better reputation. Minimizing risk can result in better outcomes for relationships and minimize the fear that the relationship would become disastrous.

Of course it is good for everyone to love their romantic partners, but what about loving themselves? To prevent fear from ruining relationships one should take the fear-based focus away from the relationship, or romantic partner, and turn a love-based focus on themself. By addressing the fear, facing it head on, and allowing love to take over, someone can love themselves more, and therefore the relationship, more than fearing the losing of it. When someone loves himself or herself there is no room for fear in the relationship. It is time to defeat fear and kick it in the butt, once and for all and live from a love based perspective. Be love, live love and experience love.

Source: OMTimes  Photo: Ayo Ogunseinde

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